Cultivating compassion and self-compassion is fundamental to one’s personal growth and overall well-being, and this is especially important for Highly Sensitive People, who tend to have the presence of a strong inner critic and can struggle with self-compassion. In this article, I will explore some of the scientific and psychological research behind the benefits of self-compassion practices, emphasising its significance for Highly Sensitive People (HSP).
The human brain has evolved over millions of years, and we have developed what is known as a 'tricky' brain. This means that although it's doing its best to serve us and has an incredible capacity to process information, our brain can also produce a whole host of unwanted emotions, feelings, and thoughts.
Paul Gilbert, a leading researcher in compassion, has highlighted the incredible benefits of compassion-focused practices for helping people manage stress, depression, anxiety, and other emotional challenges. Paul Gilbert proposes that there are three systems that motivate human behaviour: the threat, drive, and soothing system.
Most psychological difficulties are caused by an over-arousal of the threat and drive system and an under-use of the soothing system. As HSP, we’re more responsive to environmental stimuli and our nervous systems are easily dysregulated (entering the threat or drive system) when we’re in an environment that is overstimulating or not conducive to our needs. This can be compared to having a lower sensory threshold; it takes less sensory stimuli for the nervous system to be impacted. Self-compassion practices aim to reduce the activation of the threat and drive system and increase the activation of the soothing system.
The Threat System
The threat system acts to keep us protected from dangers. When we are under perceived attack or facing a threat, the amygdala (the oldest part of the brain) triggers the flight or fight response and increases cortisol, blood pressure and adrenaline. Our brain responds to internal and external threats in the same way, which means our brain can't tell the difference between internal memories, judgment and self-criticism (the opposite of self-compassion!) and the actual sensing of a threat in our external environment. Either way, when we encounter a perceived threat, our sympathetic (flight or fight) system will be activated along with stress hormones that include cortisol and adrenaline. We'll feel anger, anxiety, fear, or, if we enter into a state of freeze, we may feel shame or a sense of needing to withdraw from a situation.
Our brain has evolved to respond to threats very quickly, which has advantages in terms of our survival. We tend to experience something called 'negativity bias', meaning that we tend to pay close attention to threat-based emotions such as fear and anger because they are actually trying to protect us from perceived threats and keep us safe.
The Drive System
Our drive system motivates us towards what we think we need to be successful. It pushes us towards pursuing goals, striving and achieving. Our drive is essential, but it can have a detrimental effect on our health when it over functions or is motivated by the 'threat' system. This can happen when we are over-working and doing too much to pursue achievement, promotion or success at work. The drive system is related to the chemical dopamine, a 'reward chemical' which means when we achieve a goal we set out for ourselves, we receive a 'reward' through the release of dopamine! This can become addictive and even lead to compulsive behaviours.
How do these systems interact?
When we are feeling stressed, burnt out or overwhelmed we are usually moving between the threat and drive systems and are often motivated to take action based on our threat system telling us that we'll be in danger if we don't. However, when we're motivated by an internal threat such as our inner critic, we end up feeling more anxious and stressed – leading to higher levels of cortisol and adrenaline. When we're in this state of high alert and arousal and we are using our drive system to escape from the perceived threat, we are more likely to make mistakes. This can aggravate our inner critic and lead to a vicious cycle of threat and drive to keep us away from danger! This movement between threat and drive is likely to keep us stuck in a cycle of anxiety, shame, anger and a sense of hopelessness; we are motivated to take action from a place of fear, anxiety and self-judgment rather than from a place of calm, care or acceptance.
The Soothing System
Through self-compassion practices we are focussed on activating the soothing system. The soothing system releases hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins, which deactivates us from the fight or flight response. Oxytocin is also known as the cuddle or love hormone, which is released when we engage in physical contact with others! The soothing system is related to feelings of peace, serenity and safety. We tap into this system when we give and receive care, acceptance, kindness and feel part of a community which is one of the reasons there is so much emphasis on building community in the Highly Sensitive Hub.
The soothing system helps us form connections with others and enables us to be hugely resilient. We are more likely to accept ourselves for our mistakes and not feel demotivated, anxious, or give up when we feel overwhelmed. This soothing system is actually a source of strength rather than vulnerability.
Accessing our soothing system is something that can be learnt and cultivated through the act of self-compassion. When we practice self-compassion, we work with fears, blocks and resistance; we are working to be-friend the parts that we sometimes disown, such as the inner child that feels afraid; our inner critic; the part that judges or the part that feels ashamed. When these parts are in the driving seat, we will stay stuck in this vicious cycle rather than approach our life from the rest-and-digest soothing system.
Self Compassion
Self-compassion is one of the core tools I encourage in highly sensitive people and it takes time and practice to cultivate this attitude of understanding and acceptance rather than self-criticism and judgment. Contrary to the belief that being compassionate might mean 'giving up' or being passive and complacent - research has shown that we actually take more, not less, responsibility for our actions. From a place of self-compassion, we are also more likely to reflect on our actions, learn from our mistakes and accept that we are simply human – we all make mistakes, and we can't possibly be 'perfect' all the time!
Research has shown that self-compassionate people are less likely to feel guilt and shame, therefore; less likely to be pushed into the drive system to overcome what they perceive as their failures.
Practising Self-Compassion
As HSP we can activate our soothing system through self-care activities, breathwork, grounding techniques, meditation or walking in nature. These activities activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which means we feel relaxed, safe and have less tension, physical pain and lower levels of psychological distress. Levels of anxiety, depression are reduced, and we are more likely to feel open, expansive and connected to the world around us.
A daily self-compassion or self-care practice will help us move into the soothing system. Compassion is not just a concept to be understood intellectually but a quality to be lived and embodied in every interaction, both with ourselves and with others.
HSPs are particularly vulnerable to stress and self-criticism due to their heightened sensitivity. By engaging in self-compassion practices, HSPs can regulate their nervous system more effectively; break the cycle of stress induced by the threat and drive systems; foster greater resilience and self-acceptance and reduce feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety.
About the Author
Jules De Vitto has a BSc in Psychology, MA in Education and MSc in Transpersonal Psychology, Consciousness and Spirituality and is an accredited transpersonal coach, trainer and experienced educator. She is the founder of the Highly Sensitive Human Academy - a central hub that offers courses, coaching, articles and a podcast for Highly Sensitive People. She helps those who identify with the traits of high sensitivity to navigate emotional overwhelm, step into their authentic power and align with their true purpose in life.
She is a published author and wrote one of a series of books on Resilience, Navigating Loss in a time of Crisis. Her research has also been published in the Transpersonal Coaching Psychology Journal and Journal of Consciousness, Spirituality, and Transpersonal Psychology.
In addition to her academic and coaching pursuits, Jules has spent years engaging in deep transformative healing work. She is a Reiki Master and Teacher and has completed Michael Harner’s Shamanic Practitioner Training through the Foundation of Shamanic Studies and a Grief Ritual Leadership Training with Francis Weller.
Jules is passionate about creating community for Highly Sensitive People and embracing the full spectrum of our emotional and sensory capacities rather than trying to ‘fix’ ourselves. Deepening the connection to our sensitivity enables us to open our hearts and form better relationships with ourselves, others and the world.
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